"An angel got her wings.."

"...And we'll hold our heads up knowing that she's fine.We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.Friends stay side by side,In life and death you've always stole my heart,You'll always mean so much to me, it's hard to believe this..."

Yesterday my whole school was gathered in the gym.
Teachers surrounded OUR class.
We were thinking the next 9/11
another talk about myspace
then the thought of our friend Erinn crossed our mind, but no, she was fine.
Wrong.
My headmistress started off saying she was sending the seniors off on their retreat
"the seniors got in a car crash?!"
no
Then she said she had got a message from Mr. ----
The whole freshman class heads dropped, tears streaming down our faces.
Sobs drowning our ears.
Our big sister class, then juniors came over to comfort us.


Erinn died from cancer.
She was diagnosed with it in sixth grade.
It was in her knee and it was treated.
Seventh grade better.
Eigth grade great.
But then it spread.
We thought it was better.
Nineth grade less and less.
Now never again.

It is not fair.
She was the sweetest girl I have ever met in my life.
Always a smile.
It was a good day if it was spent at school
She was the shortest girl in our class, but took it as an honor,
She lauged at anything and everything
She was someone to have random converstations with.
Someone that had eeverything to complain about, but never did.
the strongest person I have ever met.
A true inspiration.

THe first time we became friends
gym class. her leg just started bothering her
I had a broken arm
we both wanted to play soccer
I was her leg, she was my arm, and we played. and feel.

The last time she told me she loved me and I saw her.
At a fall out boy concert she had wanted to go to but couldn't
I went
They gladly signed my sock after me and my friends asked.
We gave it to her
She told us we were her lives
hugged us
and said she loved us.

She was only 14.
It is not fair.

I miss you Erinn
You knew I was odd
but you did not care
you attacked life with a smile
and it was a privlage to know you.
I love you with all my heart,
and I miss you.

My tear stained eyes match these ink stained hands

Last night I felt like I was in the right place.
I was with the people I consider fake friends, but with a few added and a few subtracted if that makes any sence.
I felt happy, I felt good, for the first time in a while,
maybe they are real friends
maybe I am just icolating myself.
Maybe it is me, not them.

I do not know but I hope this feeling lasts.
Thanks for listening to me whine and complain
YOU mean more they you will ever know.

Going to take a walk with my doggies now, it is beautiful outside, and I plan on enjoying it.

Life is long

For those who have to wait.

Why do I find myself in that position so many times. [espeacially when he is brought up]
Lying on my carpet, legs held close to my chest.
Tears threatening my eyes.
My head daring myself to let them fall.
Questioning myself, how did I let this happen? How did I let it get that far? WHY!
How can a judge tell me what I have to do.
I am sure he does not know anything.
I have problems opening up to people I should open up to.
I open up to people I do not trust, fuck I am screwed up,
Reading the FOB artical, as stupid as it sounds, brought me close to tears
The part when Pete talked about when he felt so isolated at that boot camp place, from then on he kept emotions on the inside, how he knows people have it worse off them him though but how everyone is still fucked up.
I realize everyone has a tramatic even at this age.
He was 14 then
I was 14 when this began.
Maybe I am the opposite though, he doesn't open up, I do too much [to wrong peopple]
I am weird though I tell them what happend but tell them I am fine
I am not fucking fine
but it doesnt matter
they dont care
they tell me to make up with him
fuck no



I say I too much