...Exactly what I am doing.
Way to much time on the internet
And I wonder how come I have no talenet
I do not try to find one,
It is no ones fault but my own.
I am going to stop spending so much time on here,
find some friends that care.
I read way too much as it is but I will read more,
Take more pictures,
go to more shows,
pick up some new things
Take a step out of the box and show myself and not be ashamed.
Watch out, I am unleashing myself.
It is going to be fucking crazzy.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
It's a Sin To Kill a Mockingbird
I love letting go.
Forgetting for a few hours your friends may not be true.
Forgetting your family 'problems'
Forgetting everything and one that has hurt you in the past.
They can be your best or worst hours of your life.
It depends on how you make it and if you can let everything go.
I let it go at an 80s dance I went to last night.
The thing about me is I do not want or need to drink or do drugs for this to happen, and I love myself for that.
I dressed like the phyco I am, hot pink tights a tutu an 80ish shirt and hot pink arm warmers,
I wish I could wear it everyday to be honest.
I danced like the maniac I am.
I have never had a problem with dancing like a freak.
I love it, you laugh, people laugh, and it is fun.
Basically my night was great, first time for a while.
But you couldn't let it go that way could you.
You had to find a way to ruin it.
Because when I am happy and when I finally let go, you know I am not thinking of you and you cannot stand it,
well guess what. I barely think of you anymore.
All the textmessages you send me saying "I love you"
make me realize what a coward you are and were.
Too afraid to call, when I see you donot think I do not feel your stare.
You had the fucking indecancy to come to my GRANDFATHERS funeral, not a call before that for your symathy and say, HI MAG HOW'RE YA like we are old friends, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY MAN IN MY LIFE THAT DID NOT HURT ME DIED. fuck you fuck you fuck you
love, never again
you fucking blew it buddy
wow sorry everyone.
love
the best mother fucking tea maker you have ever met
and that is no lie
Forgetting for a few hours your friends may not be true.
Forgetting your family 'problems'
Forgetting everything and one that has hurt you in the past.
They can be your best or worst hours of your life.
It depends on how you make it and if you can let everything go.
I let it go at an 80s dance I went to last night.
The thing about me is I do not want or need to drink or do drugs for this to happen, and I love myself for that.
I dressed like the phyco I am, hot pink tights a tutu an 80ish shirt and hot pink arm warmers,
I wish I could wear it everyday to be honest.
I danced like the maniac I am.
I have never had a problem with dancing like a freak.
I love it, you laugh, people laugh, and it is fun.
Basically my night was great, first time for a while.
But you couldn't let it go that way could you.
You had to find a way to ruin it.
Because when I am happy and when I finally let go, you know I am not thinking of you and you cannot stand it,
well guess what. I barely think of you anymore.
All the textmessages you send me saying "I love you"
make me realize what a coward you are and were.
Too afraid to call, when I see you donot think I do not feel your stare.
You had the fucking indecancy to come to my GRANDFATHERS funeral, not a call before that for your symathy and say, HI MAG HOW'RE YA like we are old friends, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY MAN IN MY LIFE THAT DID NOT HURT ME DIED. fuck you fuck you fuck you
love, never again
you fucking blew it buddy
wow sorry everyone.
love
the best mother fucking tea maker you have ever met
and that is no lie
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
New York Eyes
I went to New York Sunday.
To be honest, I did not find it amazing.
It was not the first time I have been, and all the other times I have loved it.
But this time it was different,
maybe it was because I have experianced more then before,
maybe it was because the only thing everyone wanted to do is shop which is fine, I would just rather do other things,
maybe it was because I see the worst in things.
NO. I do not see the worst in things, sometimes people sometimes not, usually, usually it's me on my way to where ever in the car looking out the window simply amazed.
Usually I am the one opening up to people so quickely [too quickly]
Maybe I am just so amazed at things, the same things I no loner welcome changed with 'open arms'
maybe that is why I am stuck, stuck in this boring rutine I call a life.
Maybe I need change, if I like it or not.
But who knows.
Going to go read To Kill A Mocking Bird for english class.
It is truely amazing.
If you ever get the chance, meet my english teacher, she is something that will amaze you , and that, my dear, is NO understatement.
just telling it like it is.
To be honest, I did not find it amazing.
It was not the first time I have been, and all the other times I have loved it.
But this time it was different,
maybe it was because I have experianced more then before,
maybe it was because the only thing everyone wanted to do is shop which is fine, I would just rather do other things,
maybe it was because I see the worst in things.
NO. I do not see the worst in things, sometimes people sometimes not, usually, usually it's me on my way to where ever in the car looking out the window simply amazed.
Usually I am the one opening up to people so quickely [too quickly]
Maybe I am just so amazed at things, the same things I no loner welcome changed with 'open arms'
maybe that is why I am stuck, stuck in this boring rutine I call a life.
Maybe I need change, if I like it or not.
But who knows.
Going to go read To Kill A Mocking Bird for english class.
It is truely amazing.
If you ever get the chance, meet my english teacher, she is something that will amaze you , and that, my dear, is NO understatement.
just telling it like it is.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Crowds are Won and Lost and Won again
Sorry I have not updated in a while.
My Pop-Pop just died.
It was a horrible process.
Somone you love so much dies, and then you have to jump right into arrangements.
Then the acual veiwings consit of people saying "I am so sorry" "I know exactly how you feel"
No, you do not fucking know how I feel.
No two persons realationship is the exact same to another two peoples.
Everyone shows love differently
Feels it differently.
SO do not fucking come up to me telling me you know because you don't.
No one loves the same as me.
No one feels the same towards a person as me.
No one expresses it like me.
No one knows.
No one is the same.
That is what I realized.
I miss you Pop-Pop, I love you, you mean so much to me.
You weren't like another Grandfather, you weren't the kind to spoil me, or give me candy.
You were so fucking better.
You taught me strength.
You taught me courage.
You taught me independance.
You are one of the people i have learned so much from.
You were the strongest men I have ever met.
I think that I have so much bagage.
But really it was you, YOU carried so much with you in one life time.
I do not know how you did it.
But you raised five children, and five grandchildren, and you did a great fucking job.
I love you.
I will never forget you.
You, Sir, are the best grandfather I could ever ask for.
I miss you.
And one of the many great memories I have of you is after you got that disease.
When you stole the sugar packets, and you would give them to me and say "You're a good girl."
That is something I will never forget Pop Pop.
ANd i will NEVER forget you.
My Pop-Pop just died.
It was a horrible process.
Somone you love so much dies, and then you have to jump right into arrangements.
Then the acual veiwings consit of people saying "I am so sorry" "I know exactly how you feel"
No, you do not fucking know how I feel.
No two persons realationship is the exact same to another two peoples.
Everyone shows love differently
Feels it differently.
SO do not fucking come up to me telling me you know because you don't.
No one loves the same as me.
No one feels the same towards a person as me.
No one expresses it like me.
No one knows.
No one is the same.
That is what I realized.
I miss you Pop-Pop, I love you, you mean so much to me.
You weren't like another Grandfather, you weren't the kind to spoil me, or give me candy.
You were so fucking better.
You taught me strength.
You taught me courage.
You taught me independance.
You are one of the people i have learned so much from.
You were the strongest men I have ever met.
I think that I have so much bagage.
But really it was you, YOU carried so much with you in one life time.
I do not know how you did it.
But you raised five children, and five grandchildren, and you did a great fucking job.
I love you.
I will never forget you.
You, Sir, are the best grandfather I could ever ask for.
I miss you.
And one of the many great memories I have of you is after you got that disease.
When you stole the sugar packets, and you would give them to me and say "You're a good girl."
That is something I will never forget Pop Pop.
ANd i will NEVER forget you.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Today I Saw My World Explode
How come when I'm finally happy with myself, people hate me.
"Maggie why are you so mean/__________"
It's called a sense of humor.
Right now I am scared I will never find a person like me.
I'm scared the best friend that is like me same sense of humor and all is not there.
I mean is it bad I want one person just like me to talk to, to get me.
I try so hard to find them but they aren't there.
I know it's like "wait and it will come to you."
But I'm tired of fucking waiting.
I have done it my whole mother fucking life, and I'm ready to have it, someone anyone.
If your someone like me
and you think we share the same problems and veiws
talk to me
because I need you
i sound like a fucking comercial.
"Maggie why are you so mean/__________"
It's called a sense of humor.
Right now I am scared I will never find a person like me.
I'm scared the best friend that is like me same sense of humor and all is not there.
I mean is it bad I want one person just like me to talk to, to get me.
I try so hard to find them but they aren't there.
I know it's like "wait and it will come to you."
But I'm tired of fucking waiting.
I have done it my whole mother fucking life, and I'm ready to have it, someone anyone.
If your someone like me
and you think we share the same problems and veiws
talk to me
because I need you
i sound like a fucking comercial.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
The loneliness you feel has come to you because you are no longer a child. But the world has always been full of that loneliness.
Today I sat with my dog, Blake, at the window watching the sun set.
It gives you perspective.
I felt the happiest I have for a long time.
It gives you perspective.
I felt the happiest I have for a long time.
"Cross my heart and Hope to Die"
Yesterday on my way home from school it was snowing.
The flakes were coming straight for the car like they were going to crash into my face.
But they didn't.
The car was designed to 'keep me safe' from the road, the weather, and people.
Then I realized that's how i go through life.
I keep myself isolated from everything.
Nature is the one thing I connect to.
It's weird.
I look outside and I feel as if it knows how i feel.
It changes to make people happy.
People want snow
people want rain
people want sun.
People want smiles
people want tears
people want inteligants.
I also realized
You cant always make everyone happy.
Some people want snow so bad
others despise it.
Everyone is never going to be happy with it, but some people will.
more later.
thanks for reading
The flakes were coming straight for the car like they were going to crash into my face.
But they didn't.
The car was designed to 'keep me safe' from the road, the weather, and people.
Then I realized that's how i go through life.
I keep myself isolated from everything.
Nature is the one thing I connect to.
It's weird.
I look outside and I feel as if it knows how i feel.
It changes to make people happy.
People want snow
people want rain
people want sun.
People want smiles
people want tears
people want inteligants.
I also realized
You cant always make everyone happy.
Some people want snow so bad
others despise it.
Everyone is never going to be happy with it, but some people will.
more later.
thanks for reading
Thursday, February 1, 2007
"I Know Them Because I Am Like They Are"
I think I just fell in love with the moon.
I was reading in my bed room and i saw it through the blinds.
Instictively I put up my blinds and saw it.
The moon, obstructed by clouds, but more beautiful then I have ever seen it.
It made my stomach flip.
I suppose it give me a sense that I'm not alone.
I feel as if I know someone else is staring at it as well, feeling the same way I do.
Maybe he's the person I'm supposed to be with, maybe.
All the books im reading now are giving me a sense of understand I never thought possible, I recomend them.
I now notice things I never notice.
I talk to people I never talk to,
I appricate things more,
and the best part is...
I'm happier then I have been in a while.
More tomorrow.
Never try to capture the moons beauty for you can never come close.
I was reading in my bed room and i saw it through the blinds.
Instictively I put up my blinds and saw it.
The moon, obstructed by clouds, but more beautiful then I have ever seen it.
It made my stomach flip.
I suppose it give me a sense that I'm not alone.
I feel as if I know someone else is staring at it as well, feeling the same way I do.
Maybe he's the person I'm supposed to be with, maybe.
All the books im reading now are giving me a sense of understand I never thought possible, I recomend them.
I now notice things I never notice.
I talk to people I never talk to,
I appricate things more,
and the best part is...
I'm happier then I have been in a while.
More tomorrow.
Never try to capture the moons beauty for you can never come close.
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