well I have been really busy with school
so long time no write

people have been talking shit about my mom
my family
me
and it sucks
I saw the little shit spreading it
and I swear to god if my mom wasn't there I would lunge at him
what a jackass
did I mention that he is my dad's girlfriends son
yeah

I have been longing for love
more then usual that is
I just want
need
someone
so bad
but everyone my age is a pot smoking jerk
I hate it
but I WILL find someone
I hope

You'll go out in "style"

I find myself most comfortable lying on the floor
when I am sad I lock the door lay on my floor and cry

when I am sad I am the biggest hypocrite you will ever see
"I hate myself but I don't want to change"
basically many thing similar to that
but why am I more comfortable on my floor then with my family
I hide my real crazy self from them because they won't like them
I got more out spoken and they got mad and told me to stop
told me they liked the quiet listener better
maybe because I didn't tell them how self centered they all were
and how not everything I think about is you and your problems
they just don't comprehend they are not my main focus
crazy I know
Sorry I don't think of you ever hour of my life
but maybe if you were nicer and loved me like you should
I would respect you more
won't be too hard considering right now you have a big fat 0 in my book

You can mess with a lot of things, but not kids on christmas

I keep complaining
it is my new hobby apparently
I am too fat
too ugly
too annoying
I need to change
but I don't want to
I try to appear happy
I admire people from afar
I never take a chance
these are my qualities
I cry in private hoping no one sees
I hide myself
I don;t want to be me
I don't like me
I want to change
I want to stop
I want to stay on this dirty floor forever
but that won't make things better now will it
my thoughts are scambled
you put the together
I have too much on my mind to do that right now

I need someone

I am sitting at the beach
I hear laughter
joy
drunks
everything
I miss my friends
but I miss something more then that
something I've never had
something I want
love
I want someone to hold me
I want someone I can talk to
someone I can kiss
someone I can hug
someone that will hold me
someone that will tell me I am prety even though I am not
someone to be there
someone that loves me back

but I think I wll never get it
no I know I won't

You've got me almost figured out

My creative wheels have been turning
this day has been a day filled with top model, live earth, and A PROJECT
how I love days like these
the lazy days where you don't feel useless
another project that I am VERY excited has come into motion
It was not my idea
but I wish it was
that is how amazing
I hope I am able to help a lot
It is an amazing cause
more about it later
I do not want to be a spoil sport
:) LOVE YOU ALL
if there even is an all







you're bringing out the best in me

Just some thoughts

On the fourth of July
I found myself on the Navy bridge watching fireworks with my mom and friend
after a while I found myself growing bored
It was then I realized
beauty, it is fun to look at for a while
but after a while you grow bored of just that
it is not everything
so instead of starving to be seen as pretty
work on your personality
make that shit shine

THE ACADEMY IS...

Hey everyone
the academy is...is going on tour this fall
it is an amazing line up
and will be an amazing show
I am really excited for it
I know for a fact the academy is...is an amazing live band
and I am excited for the others
who by the way are
Armor For Sleep,
The Rocket Summer,
and Sherwood
so GO
:D thanks